| 09.11.01: "firsthand account"
there are a few thoughts that come to mind right now. (i'm on the upper west side at marcy's, where it feels like a world away.) i think of being down at kyle and zoya's when they moved in two years ago and their making jokes that they lived so close to them, that the trade towers would fall on their apartment; i think of my office and how close i was to all of this... and how, when we got the space, we reveled in the 360 degree view. i think of when adesh and i used to walk home along the hudson and turn around to look at the two towers in the evening dusk. i thought they were breathtaking. i think how odd it was that i went in early today, during my last week of work...
there is no way to explain what it was like to watch it all... to watch people falling from the building... it's stuff that makes movies... things you get numb to until you acutally see it in real life. i think of war of the worlds with orson welles... my thoughts ranging from the stupidity of the heels i was wearing to the fact that my camera was no longer with me (lost it on my recent trip to mexico).
how crazy it is to be blogging at this time, but i want to record it all.
thank you all for your messages. that means so much to me to know that the world is still out there...
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i went in at 8:30... i had been so proud that i had gotten up, showered, walked beckett and gotten to work before anyone, except lenice, our receptionist and my friend. we talked a little and i went to my desk with the coffee i'd bought out on the street corner. a few of us were suppose to go up to purchase, ny to meet with a client so i was dressed up.
you have to understand... i always hear noises like that at my desk... i'm by the window and army planes or speed boats zoom by and make screetches in the air... but this time, it was so much louder than a sonic boom and there was a screetch before the boom and, out the window behind me there was billowing, fiery explosion on the north tower... i remember lenice running over to me and when i pointed at it, she screamed. it was hard to concentrate but we closed up the floor and went out the fire exit.
we stayed in the front of the building with the gathering friends coming into work, thinking it was a bomb... that we might be under attack. but when we heard it was a plane, it was the first wave of relief... that it was a freak accident and that it was over. we went back up to 14.
so i was staring right at towers when the second plane hit. i was on the ledge of the window taking photos with lenice's camera... it was maybe a half hour later and more scary in a way because we had already re-lulled ourselves into thinking it was over, it was safe. ...maybe it was an explosion because of the first? but no, robert had seen the plane.
you have to understand... we're five blocks from the towers... they are looming structures that are reassuring on the landscape. we have windows all along that side of the building. i've gotten soup in the WTC mall in the winters when it's cold. i always get lost down there because the signage is... was confusing.
we made our way back downstairs... soon everyone was there from work... joanna, rex, jess, dan, john, robert, jac, hilary, kiera, mike, peter... so many faces as we gathered. i made phone calls at the payphone. then we got the word that we were closed and to send people home, but we could come up if we couldn't get home... trains and streets to brooklyn would be blocked...
upstairs was red, kiera, marc, courtney, peter, david, kara, mike... alan was taking photos. i called zoya, who's just blocks from the towers, but she said they were okay and watching it all on tv. i called terri and the family in cali. the tv was on the screen in the conference room too and we were standing at the windows in disbelief. it looked horrible, but almost, just almost comprehendable... it's horrible, but they'll get the fire out. it's over... those poor people. god, we could see them jumping.
and then i was on IM on kara's machine with dan ambrose in cali... and all i remember hearing was rumbling and marc screaming, "my god, it's collapsing!"
we ran toward the back of the floor toward the fire exit... mike, kara and i were in the stairwell and scared out of our minds... not sure what had happened. we were locked out and had to walk down 14 floors... re-enter the building and climb 14 floors back up. and at this point, you might be asking why i'm sticking around: house keys and friends.
when we got back up, they were shutting everything down. west broadway looked under a a sooty snowfall... i grabbed my stuff and we all went back down. there was only one tower left and so much smoke and dust... i kept thinking that the tower would be there beyond all the smoke, but it wasn't.
we started walking up greenwich as a group. marc, kara, david. kiera and red were inseparable and he wasn't responding. i hope he's alright. everyone on the streets were watching and walking... calm. it was civilized and electric... surreal. it was a march away... but i kept having to turn back and look at the remaining tower as it burned. it was a phenominal, unbelievable site and as soon as i'd look away, i couldn't imagine it... so i kept turning to look. we passed the park where we eat lunch. we passed bazzini's where we get gummie bears... we passed yaffa's where we go for dinner and drinks... and then people started screaming and running past us... when i turned to look, the second tower was crumbling.
and then we kept marching north... i got walked home... the village. i walked my dog and packed some things as the tv was on, but i couldn't just stay there... so i wrote the earlier entry and went to marc's, who is in my neighborhood. courtney and jenny were there. she said that from her studio in the 30s, she could see the people jumping from the towers before they collapsed. we all watched cnn for an hour or two and then marc and i went over to the west side highway with a few slices to look at what was left... smoke. jenny and courtney will have to walk home to park slope in brooklyn. i called marcy and made plans to come up here... we haven't heard from zoya but those towers seemed to fall straight down and not at any trajectory so i'm just not going to worry.
it's just so strange looking to watch these things fall... over and over on the tv.
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so much to tell... are you still with me? ... the funny thing was re-packing my stuff, putting beckett on the leash and walking up eighth avenue toward the UWS. i walked more than 80 blocks uptown because i couldn't bring myself to get on a train. it felt so surreal... people were all out... walking in both directions... some restaurants were open... bars... news... people would be silent and gathered around car radios. as i moved through chelsea, it got more active... people were everywhere. i saw a man buying sunflowers. i saw another buying souveniers of the trade towers.
near the port authority, i saw the homeless people on the street and i didn't feel far removed. around 48th street, it started looking "normal". it looked more like new york in an uninterrupted day. i sat at columbus circle to catch my breath... i couldn't see downtown anymore. ... and now that i'm up here in the 70s, i feel a strange distance. you can tell that people are trying to be normal, with baby strollers and outside cafes.
i can't believe what i saw, and all of the screaming that i heard, except they keep playing it on television.
2 nu:
rion, i hope by getting out all those words it begins to help you deal with the horror you've experienced. the world is sitting back in shock - from the vision we keep seeing - but it can't compare with eye-witness experiences.
take good care of yourself.
posted by danielle @ 09.11.01 10:24 PM EST that's sort of my attempt... that, and i was SO freaking close (um, FIVE blocks) that i have to explain how i'm alright tonight.
thank you so much.
posted by rion @ 09.11.01 10:59 PM EST
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